Do you feel like you’re losing in marriage? I know I did, especially early on.
Emotionally and mentally I felt Wynter wasn’t meeting some expectation or wasn’t fulfilling a need for me. I locked down my emotional energy on waiting for her to change and do what I wanted her to do.
I wanted Wynter to be more active and work out more. I wanted her to be more extroverted. If I didn’t think she was “getting enough done,” I saw it as a reflection of my own activity level.
Until I realized I wanted Wynter to actually be me.
In my pride, I thought there was no better model of what she should be like. When I understood this, I had to call it was it was—idolatry. Self-worship. Instead of letting Wynter be who God created her to be, I was elevating a false image—something I wanted her to be instead.
I could not see what God was doing day by day, month by month, and year by year.
You’ve never done this, right? Wanted your spouse to be something other than who God created them to be? If you are honest, you might admit one or two areas where you’d prefer your spouse be more like you. Where you tend to not value your God-given differences, and where you tend to get impatient if you don’t see change.
Thank God that He doesn’t give us what we want sometimes.
He prefers we grow in patience and come to understand what He is doing.
It’s easy to allow emotions to get the best of you. It’s easy to miss what God is doing when you focus on what you want and what you are not getting. It’s much harder to understand what He’s doing when you make quick judgements or focus on what’s not working out your way.
But what if you took the time to understand why God made your spouse differently? What if you ask the Lord for patience to see how He might be using your spouse’s differences to shape you?
I thank God that He allowed me to see what He was doing in and through Wynter before she left this world for heaven. If God had given me what I wanted, Wynter and I would have been running in circles spending time doing things that did not matter in the end. While I was wishing Wynter was more like me, she was investing in our girls, praying for me, and building a ministry that blesses thousands of young girls all over the world. I thank God every day now for the Wynter God created. She made me a better man.
May we be people today who choose patience over pleasure.
May we willingly lay down our idols so God’s image might be displayed through our spouse for the benefit of our homes, our families, and this world.
‘Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. ‘ Galatians 6:9
Lord Jesus, give me the strength to be patient. May I choose patience over pleasure, knowing that endurance is growing me and developing my marriage. And give my spouse endurance as well, as You make us more like You.
In Jesus Name, Amen.
LIVING POURED-OUT TODAY
- In what are do you wish your spouse was more like you? Why?
- Take five minutes to list the ways God made your spouse different from you, and then ask God what He wants to teach you through those differences.
- Ask the Lord to show you how He is using your spouse’s differences to shape and strengthen you.