How are you doing at finding something you can praise about your person each day–and telling them and at least one other person? In a challenging relationship it can be difficult to avoid focusing on the negatives, so look for and make a list of real and positive things you appreciate. Pick one as your affirmation for … Continue reading Day 14. Accountability Check

Make or bring your person a coffee or other favorite beverage; your treat. If you work in an office with your subject, buy them their favorite coffee drink on your way back from lunch. If you live with your subject,make them that complicated smoothie they like so much. (And don't get offended if they don't … Continue reading Day 13. Serving up a treat

Does your person ever complain, and you think they are wrong? Today (or the next time this comes up), no matter how off-base you might think they are, provide no corrective dialogue and no sigh of exasperation but simply say something understanding such as, "I bet that did make you frustrated" or "I'm sorry you have … Continue reading Day 12. Resisting the urge to correct

Find one thing your person has done recently that you can be thankful for and send them an email, text or note of thanks. ("I saw that you put away the DVDs in the living room like I asked, thanks for doing that." "Thanks for stepping up for me in that meeting yesterday." "I noticed … Continue reading Day 8. Be thankful

Accountability check: How are you doing at saying nothing negative—either to your person or about them to somebody else? Look back on the past week, identify any cases where youwere negative, despite your efforts. List those in a journal or notebook. Next to each, identify the reasons you slipped up ("I'm so tempted to join in when … Continue reading Day 7. Checking In

Everyone makes mistakes, and is touched by unconditional support and encouragement—especially when they don't deserve it. The next time your person suffers consequences from a mistake (gets a bad grade on a test, embarrassed in a meeting, mentions the criticism they got from their spouse), offer your unconditional support and/or encouragement with no mention of … Continue reading Day 6. Everyone Makes Mistakes: Be Supportive

Day 5. An Appetite for KindnessToday, leave a snack of their choice (would that be a healthy food bar or a donut?) on the counter (at work, in the house ...) or wherever you know they will see it, perhaps with a sticky note ("I had an extra one; thought you might like it.")Coach's Corner: The research … Continue reading Day 5. An Appetite for Kindness

What is one thing your person probably likes about themselves—but perhaps thinks that you don't? (Their strong opinions, which you see as being uncompromising; their ability to go with the flow, which you see as never being on time; their interest in art, when you wish they would focus on math….) Today, compliment them in the … Continue reading Day 4. Counter Intuitive Compliments

Today, don't argue with your person. Unless it is something life-or-business-altering, defer to them instead. Politely and positively let them know that although you disagree, you're fine with doing it their way. ("Although my personal preference is to log the students' science fair projects this other way, I know you've thought this through so let's … Continue reading Day 3. Deferential Disagreement

Do a task that you know your person dislikes with a cheerful attitude and no expectation. Take your neighbor's garbage can to the curb on trash pickup day; clean the dirty mugs in the sink even though it is your spouse or colleague's day to do it; offer to drop the other soccer mom's son … Continue reading Day 2. Lending a Helping Hand