Live by the covenant and not by your mood. Part of the challenge of marriage is that people tend to be consumed with how they feel in the moment instead of the covenant conviction. The key to a marriage is that it is not about you, but about God’s glory. How do I die to self so that I can be the tool that God uses to invest into my spouse, so they can be all that God intended for His glory—and hence the good of the culture, the good of the marriage?
God is into the transformation business. We have been called from sin to know Him, to become like Him, to be useful to Him. You are to come alongside your spouse and help lead in that process. What I see too often in marriage counseling is that people say, “We have marital problems.” I think they are not marital problems, they are character deficiencies that show up in your marriage. Part of that is
· Lack of commitment to your role
· Lack of understanding of your role
· Being consumed with your mood and not the covenant.
These are crucial matters for a God-honoring marriage.
But we get impatient because we’re pragmatic, and we want to know what to do here, how do I deal with this, how do I respond to this situation. And what we’re often missing are those foundational things without which we don’t even know how to respond rightly about those more particular things.
John Piper wrote a book on marriage called “This Momentary Marriage” in which he said, “It is marriage that sustains love, and not love that sustains marriage.” In other words, our view of marriage fuels our ongoing love for each other. Out of the conviction of the covenant, we love each other.
‘and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf. ‘ 2 CORINTHIANS 5:15