Sometimes, young couples say they want to have a strong marriage and family life because they come from a background where the marriage wasn’t solid. A broken home brought them a lot of pain and heartache, so they’re worried about repeating that. They think, “I don’t have a good model that I grew up in, I’m about to get married, and I’m afraid that someday we might head down the same road.”
I’d like to encourage couples and tell them that we tend to be conformed to our focus. Sometimes when someone has an angry father, they say, “I will never be like that,” and amazingly they turn out to be just like their father, because they lived their entire life focused on him and what they do not want to be. In the same way, we can do that with marriage, saying, “I saw my parents’ marriage struggle, so I want to make sure that I don’t do this and don’t do that.” I want to encourage couples to think differently. Instead of focusing on what you’re not going to be, focus on what you are going to be.
Set your focus on what Scripture teaches. A good marriage begins with selection. So, who are you going to marry? Marry someone who loves the Lord. Someone who genuinely, unmistakably is born again. Make sure that you are born again and that you both love the Lord Jesus Christ. Then build your lives out of reverence for the Lord in every aspect. Pay attention to what God says about marriage being a lifelong union. One man and one woman for life, so you’re not even going to consider divorce. Your mind is not going to go in those areas.
You’re going to pursue sexual purity, and believe the Bible and obey the Scripture and what it speaks to those issues. Husbands are going to strive to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Wives are going to see that they respect their husbands and live out what the Bible teaches about being a wife. So, it’s building your life on Christ and the Scriptures.
Let that be your focus. Instead of living your life out of fear of what you’ve seen go wrong, live your life in faith, focusing on what the Bible puts before us as the model.
‘Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. ‘ HEBREWS 11:1
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